All You Need Is Love

Feeling(s): so tired, clean, let down, still insecure, excited, and in planning mode
Time: 10:45 PM

We left VA this morning around 9:40 AM. Drove the rest of the way through VA, Maryland, Delaware and finally got to Pennsylvania. Maryland was crazy! We had to go around D.C. which even on a Sunday was crazy. I can only imagine during the week. It was so crazy to look up and see all of the other highways crossing over and such and people were maniacs. I found a nice Dodge truck though that became my pace car for about 45 min though. He really helped.

When we finally got to the apartment complex we got David to show us the way to the new house. For the first time I got to see it!! I really love the area and the house. It definitely needs some redecorating though, but that makes me happy! I am in major planning mode. =D

After we saw the house we came back to the apartment to get ready to meet Philip for dinner. He is the orchestra director at TCNJ and a good friend of David's. We talked about the music program and then we went to TCNJ and he showed me around the music building. Definitely not too much to see, but that doesn't bother me.

I found out that there are multiple companies that pick up your trash here... how weird. We're trying to find the cheapest company.

Right now I'm feeling pretty let down... I was looking forward to something all day. *sigh* That's the way of things though, no?

Feeling(s): exhausted, scared, sore, and sad
Time: 7:45 AM

I slept so bad last night. I was so tired and needing sleeping because yesterday I woke up at 6 AM, drove 6 hours, walked around a plantation, an swam in a pool. Beforoe bed I had to calm Kendall down and help her to stop crying because of the move which of course got my mind turning and got me scared also. I just woke up every few hours and had nightmares. The nightmares didn't have to do with the move though... I had gotten rid of this kind of nightmare. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. I am so not as strong as I try to act or think I am sometimes.

Much Love

Feeling: Pathetic
Time: 9:33 PM

So yea, update and somewhat of a clarification of last post. I had to see Brian Friday (I had one last thing) and I can't get him out of my head. I'm still so in love with him it hurts. I'm just so lost... I hate it. I seriously am trying not to be physically ill thinking about him with Ashley this weekend at her parent's house all weekend. I'm freaking out and I hate it. I'm so pathetic. I feel so insecure.

Feelin(s): exhausted, scared, lonely, slightly less excited, and finally...insecure
Time: 8:14 PM

So I drove 6 hours today. I am currently in Prince George, VA. My car did really well though. Went through a tank of gas and refilled when I get here. Wow. Gas is expensive. I am really sore though. My lower back is definitely the worst. I want a massage...

We went to Berkeley Plantation once we got into VA. It was really cool. Not quite what I expected. It felt so old. I love that feeling. There was a wedding going on. Really small and quaint. How cool. Definitely how I'd want my wedding. The guests weren't even all that dressed up. I really liked it. It made me sad...

We went to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner. I got the Brewmaster burger. It was supposed to have their own steak sauce on it. I would have rather had A1 on it. At least I tried something new.

I feel so insecure right now. I'm so uncertain about so much right now. What sucks is that I can't even talk about it. I really wish I had some sort of direction. I'm stuck again.

Okay, Pool time. I'll update soon. This is fun. haha.

Feeling(s): scared, excited, tired, kinda hungry, lonely, and loved
Time: 10:52 PM

I'm doing this new beginning just cause I feel like it. Also, the time stamp is never right so this is better.

So I'm sitting here at my grandmother's computer desk after coming back from a cookout at my mom's. Kendall and I decided to have people over to eat and chill. David, Max, Terrence and Johnny came to see me and Kendall had friends over too. I SO enjoyed seeing David and Max again. One, I realized why I weighed nothing in high school - I laughed my ass off all the damn time. Two, they're so amazing. I really do miss them. Max seems to have grown up some. I find it so fascinating. I loved seeing Terrence again cause I haven't seen him since spring break. I really am going to miss him too. Seeing Johnny was nice but sad too. We're not seeing each other in any romantic way anymore. One, I cheated on him with Brian. Two, I left him for Brian (Brian didn't take me back). Three, I'm moving.

I'm scared because I leave tomorrow bright and early for Pennsylvania. I'm not quite sure when I'll be back in Cola but it will be sometime mid to late June. That's so crazy. I am really excited though to see new things, hopefully meet new people and experience new stuff. I am still scared though because I feel so alone. Like even today I dropped my car off to get the brakes changed and I had to walk home. I always used to have someone there for me. Now I don't. I especially won't once I move. Yes, I will have my family, but it's different.

Well it's time to get offline. I need to finish packing and get to bed early. I have an early morning.

Much Love

So currently it feels as if my heart is being ripped from my chest

Yea, not a good feeling. Actually it makes me sick to my stomach and makes it incredibly hard to breathe.

Brian has me blocked on every form of communication. Yes, I still can get into the apt, but that would be psycho. I don't know why it hurts so bad, but God, does it ever...

I know I haven't posted in awhile and a lot has happened, but I'll update to fill you in (whoever you is). I'm trying to pack and sleep to help Johnny move out of his apt tomorrow morning before Kendall and I leave for the beach. I know we both need the trip.

Will update soon.


P.S. I hope Garth Brooks is right, I hope that heart aches are cured by the sea....